How DOM PERIGNON contributed to my MONASTERY 10th Century Wine Soap

What does Dom Perignon have to do with soap you ask? 

Soap, specifically? Nothing. 

MONASTERY ~ 10th Century Wine Soap?

Well, that's a long story, but I'll keep it short and sweet (just like I like my wine)...

 In medieval Europe, beer and ale were the libations that crossed social barriers, with both common folk and nobility enjoying either potation. In areas where grapes were grown, such as France and Italy, wine was consumed by both social classes alike. However, in areas of northern and eastern Europe, where grapes did not grow, wine was an expensive luxury to all but the wealthiest. As Christianity spread across Europe, wine became a necessity, rather than a luxury,  in order to celebrate the Ritual of the Mass, where in Catholic dogma, the wine is transubstantiated into Christ's blood. In order to keep the church supplied with wine for this ceremony, the Benedictine monks became one of the largest producers of wine, owning vineyards across France and Germany. The Carthusians, Templars, and Carmelites followed suite. To this day, monks and wine are united in one ambition. To get the masses wasted. Just kidding!

And this is where Dom Perignon comes in...

Dom Perignon was a Benedictine Monk from France. (c. 1638–14 September 1715)

Who woulda thunk it?

I certainly don't think of solemn monks quietly pursuing a pious life tending to their vineyards when I think of Dom Perignon. In the eloquent words of the wise and noble Fiddycent:

"If there’s a genie in the bottle of that Dom Pérignon
Ima drink till I get to that bitch"

The "real" Dom Perignon is turning somersaults in his tomb every time those lyrics are spoken.

I think the "Monastic Dom" would be happy to know, however, that I diligently uphold the mantra of "Cleanliness is next to Godliness", and have transubstantiated wine into soap!

For you fellow soapmakers out there, my process is quite simple. For a 4 pound soap batch, I simmer 12 ounces of Cabernet Sauvignon down to 6 ounces and add it at trace, subtracting 6 ounces from my liquid upfront when I mix my lye solution. The effect of using wine in soap is similar to that of soaping with beer - the sugars in the wine lend to more bubbles. The reason for simmering, or lightly boiling the wine is to burn off as much alcohol as possible before mixing with the lye solution. Alcohol can cause soap to seize in the pot, surely causing words to spew forth from your mouth the likes of which have never befallen a monk's ears.